Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
