I could have mohawked her pubes.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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