I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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