Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
