i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
