Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
