Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
