I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Two words: blizzard sex
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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