Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
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