Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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