My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
