She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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