I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
