sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
