Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
