Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
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My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
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He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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