Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
