I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
