Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
