they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
