Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
