chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
