When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
