god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
