New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
you had me at cake vodka
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
