I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
