Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
