a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
