i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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