She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
