do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Too much gin, very little bucket
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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