Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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