omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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