my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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