Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
