I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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