I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
