You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
