so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize