if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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