So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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