How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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