I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
