we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
