I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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