Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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