I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
