ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
