did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
