i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
