how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
