You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
