So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
