I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
