Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
