we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
