Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
