so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
