physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
