I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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