I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize