Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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