is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
