Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I am midnight drunk by noon
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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