I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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