shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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