Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
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you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
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I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize