New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
