1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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