This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize