you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
