why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
