Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
