Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
