He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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