Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
