How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I looked at my own cervix.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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