You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
