dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
