Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(914): View more from New York

After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors

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(850): View more from Florida

I mistook a propane tank for a keg.

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(917): View more from New York City

im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out

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(513): View more from Ohio

I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this

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(252): View more from North Carolina

it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet

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(915): View more from Texas

Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck

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(816): View more from Missouri

First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.

(540): View more from Virginia

Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together

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(303): View more from Colorado

im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality

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